


A Great and Sudden Change

by umbrellaless22



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drabble, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slight implied/referenced suicidal ideation, Spoilers for Episode: S02 E97 - The Fancy and the Fooled
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23043337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umbrellaless22/pseuds/umbrellaless22
Summary: A little exchange aboardThe Balleater.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 5
Kudos: 127





	A Great and Sudden Change

**Author's Note:**

> So, this wouldn't quite fit in the actual structure of the ep, so it is a bit canon divergent. Sometime after the face touching and forehead kissing, though.

Essek stands near the taffrail of _The Balleater_ , the black water reflecting scant moonlight. The Nein are nearby, discussing his fate--careless as always. It would not be difficult for him to escape. 

And yet. A perverse, self-sabotaging curiosity makes him stay. Perhaps he knows the danger isn’t great enough yet, or else harbours some masochistic desire for consequence. It has been so long since his behaviour had been questioned--by anyone. He shouldn’t want it. 

The irrepressible Goodness of the Nein intrigues him. It is not a world he’s known. Not one he thought he wanted. He shivers in the night’s breeze. 

A heavy coat settles on his shoulders. 

Caleb is there. Of course. The young wizard keeps his gaze towards the sea, where capillary waves slap the sides of nearby vessels. 

“I hope that isn’t looking too inviting,” Caleb comments, tilting his head towards the depths.

Essek levitates a few inches above the deck, to keep Caleb’s beautiful new cloak from dragging on the floorboards. He gathers it in around himself, tracing a line of silver thread. Gods, how dare the man arrive at the party dressed like that, so unwittingly perfect. It had taken all of Essek’s composure not to stare. 

He wishes he’d stared, now. Drank him in before Caleb knew of his betrayal. 

“Surely you understand the breadth of my self-preservation by now,” Essek responds lightly, his palms resting on the solid support of the taffrail. 

“I think I do,” Caleb replies, “but I also understand the gravity of realization. The weight that comes with facing one’s regrets.” 

“I wish I could regret like you do, Widowgast. I wish my regret was not so easily tempered with relief.” 

“You shouldn’t,” Caleb’s voice is low, “I wonder if I...envy your indifference. Just a little. The grief of it all. It grows heavy.”

Essek doesn't turn. He doesn't need to see the other man's face to know the wounds he's salted. “I hate most that I have sullied myself in your eyes. Attending to the opinions of others is...not something to which I am accustomed. It is tiresome and yet, I would not wish it gone.”

Caleb’s hand slides over his. Essek finds himself rotating his wrist, his palm upwards, fingers interlocking. He didn't recognize how painfully he's needed to be touched nor how relieved he is that Caleb insists on doing so.

“I should like,” Essek continues, speaking so softly the waves might take the words before they reach the other man, “I should like to foster this...feeling. If you’ll let me. I can’t undo what I’ve done. But I could do...differently.” 

His breath catches as Caleb squeezes his hand, “You could,” he acknowledges, “and I...I think you will.”

**Author's Note:**

> Title from: 
> 
> “Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.”  
> ― Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Frankenstein


End file.
